The Night Before Christmas…Martial Arts Style

Newsletter 845 ~ Sign up now!

A Martial Arts Christmas Eve!

and to all…
here is my famous Christmas ditty,
designed to put joy in your hearts,
and bells on your swords.

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before we go with my yearly rendition
of the Night Before Xmas,
let me say something.

please forgive.
If I have offended you,
been late on an order,
said something you didn’t like,
please extend your forgiveness to me.
I’m trying hard,
but I make mistakes.
A little forgiveness
will go a long way.

before we start
on that bit of eternal poetry,
let me say something.
Did you know
more people have canceled their subscription
to this newsletter
after reading this poem
I don’t know.
I just know that a lot of people cancel.
I only want the serious martial artists.
And how can you be a serious martial artist
if you don’t know how to laugh?
Or at least groan at my poem?
So to you,
the grumps,
the misogynists,
the bank robbers and dog kickers,
the fellows (and gals) who don’t work out
and will live a dry,
empty of excitement
this poem is designed
to get rid of you.
Heh heh!


Twas the night before Christmas
I was in my shack
primed and ready
for the red fat attack.

my weapons were loaded
the windows were barred
all would be safe
while I was on guard

The chimney was decked
with concertina wire
I crouched by the couch
ready to fire.

I had an M60
with ammo to feed
I didn’t care
if the red fat did bleed.

A loaded shotgun
and grenades to spare
when red fat came down
I’d blow him out of there.

Throwing stars and knives
and a really long sword
and if that didn’t work
I knew a bad word.

Sitting there late
my eyes started to close
when suddenly I heard
a bunch of ho hos.

Off with the lights
safety off, too
I  watched the fire close
and heard a sound from the flu.

‘Ouch and gosh darn it
who put the wire here
those are my undies
starting to tear!’

Then a shower of soot
and a grunt and a groan
he landed in the fire
and gave out a moan.

He was rubbing the place
where the wire did tear
so I held down the trigger
and lead filled the air.

belt after belt
did I deal the red fat
he danced and he jumped
I knew he felt that!

then quicker than spit
I ran out of lead
but enough was enough
he had to be dead.

Boy was I shocked
to see him stand tall
stepping out of the fireplace
not bothered at all.

So I grabbed up the 16
to mow him down
he had to be hurting
cause I saw his big frown.

Then I was empty
and he came straight for me
I pulled out my knives
and sliced him with glee

He jumped to the side
moving real quick
disarmed my knives
with a well placed kick

then he dropped the big bag
he had on his shoulder
reached forth his arms
and his anger did smolder

He grabbed hard my neck
and held me up high
I tried kicks and punches
but I was like a fly

Not karate nor judo
no art did work
and he grinned a mean grin
and called me a jerk

‘Don’t you know
you stupid little man
Christmas is forever
in spite of your plan.’

Then he threw me aside
and proceeded to work
giving presents to all
and to me a great smirk

And when he left
the great big red fat
he left me a lump of coal
the big red fat rat!


and to all
and to all a great work out.

it’s not too late to forgive!


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