APPREHENDING THE SCISSORSMAN!

(Jan 95/#5)

This is a rather frightening story of a Martial Arts Knife style attack.

“Mister, that guy over there just tried to stab me.” I looked down at the ten year old. “My parents don’t speak English and I don’t know who to tell.”

I looked over at the bum sleeping on the sidewalk. For a moment I considered getting a baseball bat and learning the answer to that age old question, ‘How fast can a bum with two broken legs run?’

Sighing, I said, “Don’t worry, we’ll get rid of that bum right now.” I called into the house and had my wife dial 911. Shortly the police were on the scene. I described what the ten year old had told me.

The police converged on the sleeping bum as a team. Two cops each grabbed an arm. Two cops stood on the bums feet, the bum was hardly awake as the police pulled a pair of scissors out of his pocket.

“Did you see him chase the boy?”

“No,” I answered with a sinking feeling. The police can’t arrest somebody for a crime unless they see the crime. A citizen has to make the arrest. The ten year old boy wasn’t considered citizen enough to make an arrest.

For a moment they were in a quandary, they discussed the situation in low tones.

“Hey,” I said suddenly. “You’re taking that guy with you.”

They looked at me.

“If I had seen the crime I would have broken his legs and kicked his head in. You’re taking him.” My meaning was clear. This bum was in danger if they left him.

I have a history of chasing dangerous people. There was an old lady in our neighborhood who went around trying to light buildings on fire. I and my sons, having been told by the police that they couldn’t arrest her, decided enough was enough. We chased her mercilessly with fire cracker and egg and water balloon. Eventually we threw rocks. She left.

Now there was a guy in the back of a cop car, stoned out of his mind it turned out, who chased little kids with sharp scissors.

“Okay, we’ll take him,” the cop finally said to me.

The reason I tell you all this is to make a point.

I’m not unduly brave. As this Case History illustrates I don’t always make sound decisions. Stoning an old lady is not my proudest moment.

But, is your neighborhood safe?

Do your neighbors even know you? Do they call you when they need to move a washer? Or when they hear strange sounds in the back yard late at night?

And let’s take the scenario all the way…do you know the police? Do they know that you’ll call until you get a response? That you’ll support them in every way…and yet take their badge number if they misbehave?

You’re a martial artist…act like one!

By the way, the scissorsman? It turned out he was out on parole after having served time for stabbing someone in his last ‘Martial Arts Knife Attack.’