Tag Archives: self defense

Master of Karate Defeats a Mugger!

How Gichin Funakoshi Dealt with a Mugger!

Good Morning USA, and world, and, uh, guess I’ll throw in the universe.

Never can tell, some gloopy alien with three eyes might be keeping track of those strange critters on earth. Might be reading this article right now making sure we’re not being contentious and guilty of sedition to the alien galactic empire.

alien

Hello, Gloopy Alien.

I wonder if he knows what this here finger of mine is for? Hah.

Speaking of weird and Gloopy Aliens, the founder of modern Karate, Gichin Funakoshi, was about 80 years old, and was out for his nightly walk. The night was ominous, Japan was in an unsettled state, and he saw a mugger waiting on a street corner.

Gichin knew, deep in his heart, that that mugger was going to try to mug him. Hey, you think a mugger’s going to risk picking on somebody who is big? Nope, muggers want to get on with their work with the least amount of personal risk, you know? Smart guys, these muggers are.

Anyway, Gichin keeps on walking makes sure he looks feeble, and as he passes the mugger and the mugger leaps at him he whirls and grabs the mugger.

Now, you might be wondering where he grabbed the mugger. A death lock on the carotid–a specialized nerve center that immobilizes totally?

Well, uh, he didn’t do any of those things.

He grabbed him by the, um, cajones. The apples, you know..the coconuts. He grabbed him by the children he might sire some day, by the future, by his only source of fun on those long, lonely nights that frustrate a mugger when he is all by himself and can’t find anybody who even remotely likes him.

Now the founder of modern Karate has a mugger by the embarrassment, and what is he going to do next?

Does he flick a set of knuckles to the throat and crunch the Adam’s apple…cause it to swell up and stop the mugger from breathing? Does he launch a spear hand thrust to the chest and yank the mugger’s very heart out and take a big bite while the terrified mugger watches in terror? Or does he just start to close his hand. Close his hand slowly, and watch the life blood drain out of the mugger’s face, and the very life right out of his quaking and pain infested body, and the happiness out of his future? Squeeze, until the nutty pulp runs out from between his gnarly, old fingers. Squeeze, until a loud popping sound fills the night air. Squeeze, until the mugger screams like a little girl and falls to the pavement, never to enjoy the feel of loving again.

Gichin called for the cops. Yep, he stood on that corner and held that man and called for help.

And the mugger was totted away to think about his crimes, and the terror of having his manhood held by another man.

An interesting lesson for a mugger, eh?

Another interesting lesson would be if you looked up the real meaning of the word testament and where it comes from and all that.

Anyway, the point of all this is this don’t walk down that dark alley. Yep. My students have heard me say this, and they know what I mean. When you have a choice of a long walk down a lit street, or a short trip through a dark alley, take the long way.

You can tell you’ve made it, that you do understand what the martial arts are all about when you can see a dark alley before you reach it.

Hey, a sunny street in the heart of town might be a dark alley if there’s some idiot waiting for you. And you should have developed the extra perception, through those endless hours of practice, to know the difference between a dark alley and a well lit street.

Here’s the best Karate course in the world!

Killer Self Defense Tips for the Ladies!

Five Self Defense Tips for the Ladies!

Rape seems to be a rising statistic, so I thought I’d run out a few tidbits of self defense advice for the more valuable members of our society…the ladies.

Before we get started, let me say that you should always trust your intuition. Ladies seem to have better intuition than men, so why not trust it? Especially if it could save your life!

self defense tips

high side kick


Self Defense tip one: if you have a guy feeling when you return home, call neighbor. Don’t push your intuition aside, trust it, and when that darkened house seems…odd, call the big guy who lives next door to check it out for you. And here’s an extra…don’t go in with him, let him do his work and stay out of the way. Stay at the door and be prepared to run or scream if a ruckus starts.

What, you don’t want to bother a neighbor or seem weak?

Silly you. Men were built to thump on their chests and do valiant deeds for fair damsels. You actually make us feel good when you ask us to do our job as your protectors!

Self Defense tip two: Travel in crowds. One women is a victim. Two are not. It is that simple. So when you go to the theater, or to the garage to get your car, have company. And, if anything happens, make sure you scream loudly.

Remember, one of the first things an attacker is going to do is try to get you to shut up. That’s because he doesn’t want anybody to hear what is going on. And that means that if you scream loudly enough you might be able to attract what he doesn’t want…lots of attention!

Self Defense tip three: scratch the eyes. Kick the mangoes. Bite. Do not go quietly into that dark night. An attacker is not just lustful, he is depraved and more than likely into dominance and torture. So when a bad guy grabs you, let him know that you won’t go down, and you are going to leave your mark on him! Leaving a mark on him is good stuff, because it makes it easy to convict the perps.

Self Defense tip four: this may seem a bit contrary to the last tip, but bide your time. Yes, I know I just said fight, but this is a judgment call. Yes, struggle and fight, but, consider the situation and then consider whether you should bide your time, act compliant, get your attacker to ease up long enough for you to…struggle, fight, bite, scratch and scream!

Self Defense tip five: this is the big one…learn some martial arts. Get in shape. Learn how to protect yourself.

Look, a self defense class is fun! And you learn stuff! And you are going to feel better for being in good shape. And…you will cultivate the calm mind and clear thinking that might just get you through a lady’s worst nightmare!

The point here is this…you can’t depend on others to protect you. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, a cop arrives AFTER the crime. So it is up to you to protect yourself. So start with a fun self defense class at the Y, then go to a regular martial arts school and pick up some Karate or Kung Fu or Taekwondo.

Heck, one of the best things you can do is order a martial arts course online. You can see what it is about, do a little working out on your own, and be that much better educated when you go looking for a good self defense class, or martial arts school.

Honestly, there is NO reason ANY woman should ever have to suffer the degradation and terrible effects of rape.

Here is a great article on Self Defense when being carjacked. And, I would be remiss if I didn’t let you know that Monster Martial Arts has a fantastic course on how to handle martial arts weapons.

Martial Arts Training That Is Incredibly Slow!

Martial Arts Training at its Best!

Okay, heres a shocker for you to think about–you aredoing martial arts training using the slowest method of education in existence in the world. Its true. And it is propagated through the mysticism and awe of attaining something that, should you use an updated method of learning, would speed up your learning up by a factor of ten.

martial arts training self defense techniques

Martial Arts Training makes for Excellent Self Defense!


Martial arts training works on a method that has worked for the history of the world, for monkeys. This is the monkey see monkey do method of education. Using the monkey see monkey do method of education, you are trained to memorize random strings of data.

Thats absolutely right, random strings of data. In fact, to be perfectly accurate, it is random strings strings of random data, and everything is tied together through mystical concept. Not logical concepts, but mystical concepts.

That system of kung fu you’re pracrticing, the one based on an animal–I have never heard of an animal being logical. Oh, you fight like an animal would fight, in concept. What youre saying is that the movements that resemble how an animal would move have been gathered together so you could copycat them.

Copycatting is not a concept, and it is not being logical in any sense.

Copycatting is doing what youve been shown…or, in the martial arts world, sold. Lots of money in selling copycat methodology, because you can just keep rearranging the strings of data and fooling people into thinking they are getting something scientific.

Now, you might think that I am down on martial arts training because of what I have said. The opposite is the real truth, however–I am so in love with the martial arts it is unbelievable. I dont, however, believe in learning through antiquated methods.

What I do is take the mysticism of the martial arts, utilize logic to line it all up, and learn ten times faster than the next guy. This method, a vastly different than any method you have ever seen, is called Matrixing. Matrixing is an actual scientific method–it is not the latest fake-scientific-wordage (cyber cranial digitation, neural brain synapses, and that sort of made up so on) that internet marketers use to sell their gimmicks.

The inquiry I often get is how does it work. Consider: if you had 4, 5, 3, 8 and a shaved donkey, you wouldnt know how to count. If you had 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on through all of your digits…you would know how to count.

What I do is align the martial concepts in the correct sequence, so there are no missing numbers, no out of order numbers, and no ridiculous concepts tossed in. When people learn the martial arts in this fashion it is possible to learn, as I said, as much as 10 times faster. Of course it all depends on the person learning, and whether they have a basic education, and etc.

The above all being said, it was not an easy thing to figure Matrixing out. In fact, it took me over 30 years, as there was no precedent for what I was doing. The job is completed, however, and martial artists the world over need no longer be trapped by–the slowest method of martial arts training in existence.

Here’s a great article on a more brutal form of martial arts training using…a Tiger!

(classic post on martial arts training from 6-1-09)

Martial Arts Training That Is Incredibly Slow!

Martial Arts Training at its Best!

Okay, heres a shocker for you to think about–you aredoing martial arts training using the slowest method of education in existence in the world. Its true. And it is propagated through the mysticism and awe of attaining something that, should you use an updated method of learning, would speed up your learning up by a factor of ten.

martial arts training self defense techniques

Martial Arts Training makes for Excellent Self Defense!

Martial arts training works on a method that has worked for the history of the world, for monkeys. This is the monkey see monkey do method of education. Using the monkey see monkey do method of education, you are trained to memorize random strings of data.

Thats absolutely right, random strings of data. In fact, to be perfectly accurate, it is random strings strings of random data, and everything is tied together through mystical concept. Not logical concepts, but mystical concepts.

That system of kung fu you’re pracrticing, the one based on an animal–I have never heard of an animal being logical. Oh, you fight like an animal would fight, in concept. What youre saying is that the movements that resemble how an animal would move have been gathered together so you could copycat them.

Copycatting is not a concept, and it is not being logical in any sense.

Copycatting is doing what youve been shown…or, in the martial arts world, sold. Lots of money in selling copycat methodology, because you can just keep rearranging the strings of data and fooling people into thinking they are getting something scientific.

Now, you might think that I am down on martial arts training because of what I have said. The opposite is the real truth, however–I am so in love with the martial arts it is unbelievable. I dont, however, believe in learning through antiquated methods.

What I do is take the mysticism of the martial arts, utilize logic to line it all up, and learn ten times faster than the next guy. This method, a vastly different than any method you have ever seen, is called Matrixing. Matrixing is an actual scientific method–it is not the latest fake-scientific-wordage (cyber cranial digitation, neural brain synapses, and that sort of made up so on) that internet marketers use to sell their gimmicks.

The inquiry I often get is how does it work. Consider: if you had 4, 5, 3, 8 and a shaved donkey, you wouldnt know how to count. If you had 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on through all of your digits…you would know how to count.

What I do is align the martial concepts in the correct sequence, so there are no missing numbers, no out of order numbers, and no ridiculous concepts tossed in. When people learn the martial arts in this fashion it is possible to learn, as I said, as much as 10 times faster. Of course it all depends on the person learning, and whether they have a basic education, and etc.

The above all being said, it was not an easy thing to figure Matrixing out. In fact, it took me over 30 years, as there was no precedent for what I was doing. The job is completed, however, and martial artists the world over need no longer be trapped by–the slowest method of martial arts training in existence.

Here’s a great article on a more brutal form of martial arts training using…a Tiger!

(classic post on martial arts training from 6-1-09)